Monday, February 4, 2013

A Not So Sweet 16



Today is Marlon’s 16th birthday. I haven’t written about him in quite while and some of you have been wondering what’s going on with him. So here’s the deal:

If you remember back in April of last year, he ran away from home, was in a motorcycle accident, received a head injury and was hospitalized briefly (you can read about it by clicking HERE). He came home and it seemed like things were going good for a few months but then he started reverting back to some of his old ways (most of which were criminal). Then he decided to leave home in July and he’s been gone ever since. That’s right, he’s been gone since July. Crazy, huh? 

When he left we immediately reported him missing (to the police) but they didn’t seem interested in finding him. So we went to the juvenile authorities and made a report with them. We even told them where we thought he was but they didn’t seem to be too concerned with going to get him. After a couple of months they finally went to find him (where we originally told them, duh!) and put him somewhere to get some help. He stayed there for a few weeks and then he escaped from the facility. We found out where he was and told the juvenile authorities but they said that they were waiting for a judge (who was on vacation and would be for at least another month) to sign a paper for them to go and get him again. That was over 3 months ago! Still nothing. But we’re still praying. 

To be honest with you though, it’s been bitter-sweet. It’s been hard because he’s our son, no matter what he does, so not having him home makes us sad. We’ve done everything we can to help him but he doesn’t want help. That’s the bitter part. But it’s been good because he was doing so many things that were putting the entire family in danger. And the things he was doing were causing so much heartache that it’s been a relief not having to deal with all the drama. For real.

Here’s the crazy thing that we’ve had to come-to-grips with... “this isn’t what we ever thought the whole adoption thing was gonna look like... not in a million years.” When we started pursuing the adoption of our 5 kids (almost 6 years ago) we imagined this euphoric/happy/utopian type experience where we would give love to these kids who had been rejected by their biological parents and by society. And as we did (give love), ‘magically’ all of their problems and past hurts would just disappear. Especially since we were following Jesus and He’s the one who asked us to do it in the first place: ) I mean, what could be better than having God on your side to do whatever it is that you’re doing? That would surely mean that things were gonna go “like butter” and be so smooth that we could do it in our sleep, right? URRRRONK! (that was my best shot clock buzzer sounding)

Just because we’re following Jesus and doing what He’s asked us to do doesn’t mean that it’s always gonna be a storybook ending to everything we do. And if we ever think that’s the case, we’ve got another thing coming and life’s gonna be really disappointing. Are a lot of the things we do gonna be “a win?” Sure. Probably. But not everything. If He’s leading us then ultimately we win (technically we already won, Col. 2:13-15) but there are going to be times when we don’t understand why things turn out the way they do. We just have to trust Him. Really trust Him. So, in this situation, that’s what we’re doing... trusting Him.

It may be the same with what you’re facing. It may be a financial situation, a relationship, a child, a job, a physical situation... who knows? You know that you heard from God and that you did (or are doing) the right thing, but it’s not looking real positive right now. Just keep trusting Him because it doesn’t matter what the ending looks like if you “trusted Him” through it all. 

So today we’re very sad. We’re sad that our son is living on the street somewhere and that he’s not home where all kids celebrating their 16th birthday should be. We still love him and we still pray that God rescues him... someday, somehow.

Trusting God,

Jim and MJ

1 comment:

  1. Jim, I've recently added your blog to my blog reader to make sure I keep up with you guys a little better. I noticed this was the most recent entry, and I wanted to thank you for being so "real" about what you write.

    Long story very short, our oldest (of 4 we adopted from Curitiba in 2009), now 13 has been struggling pretty acutely for the past year plus in the realm of mental health. Due to unsafe behavior toward herself and others, for almost a year of that, she has been living away from home, in and out of the hospital and a therapeutic group home. We have seen DCF and police and ambulances and emergency rooms enough times that it's (sadly) becoming second nature to "crisis manage" these events.

    All that to say, you are not alone. Your son is not alone in his struggles...you and MJ are not alone in your struggle as Christian parents...and your other children are not alone in their struggle trying to understand what's going on with their sibling.

    Just last night as I visited my daughter in the hospital, she shared with me that she was recently reading Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." She had found it an encouragement of sorts and a good reminder.

    All the while, I continue to wonder, will she actually have a "moment" when she understands (or even wants to understand) this verse with her whole heart, soul, and intellect in a way that will become life-changing?

    Keep on keeping on, Jim. It's OK to enjoy the moments of relative "peace" at home without the drama. It is a hard road, but God planned to put your son with you and our daughter with us.

    Hoping and praying for you all...

    --James

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